When your kids were small, you read to them. That’s just something parents do. At first, it’s a good bonding experience. Then you begin to really understand what a good learning experience it is. Reading to a child clearly helps with language development, phonemic awareness, listening skills, comprehension skills, general learning and obviously learning to read.
So why should this stop just because they are older? OK so maybe they don’t want to curl up on the couch with you to read anymore but there are ways to enhance the reading skills of older children.
1. Show interest in what they’re reading. Make sure you know the types of book they like, subjects that interest them. Ask questions and encourage discussion.
2. Every once in awhile read the same book as your child. That way you can talk with your child about the book. Expand your questions to include character, setting, plot, conflict, climax and ending. Don’t read every book they read because they will see that as an invasion. Summer reading is perfect for this because during the school year, teachers guide them through books (almost too much sometimes to the point where they end up hating the book, another subject for another time) so some kids might need a little extra help or encouragement to get through a book on their own. Summer reading book are usually books they are not their choice therefore not real personal to them.
3. If the summer reading book is on audio, get it. Fill those long car rides to and from summer activities listening to something productive. Make sure is it the unabridged edition. And check out the library. That way is doesn’t cost you and arm and a leg.
4. Just like homework, you have to provide an atmosphere that is conducive to reading. If you have a child who is obsessed with video games, computers or TV, cut them off. Put limits on those things. Kids need structure just as much in the summer. However, don’t make reading time too formal or they might balk at it. The idea is to make reading more natural rather than forced.
5. Encourage fun summer reading. This includes magazines, newspapers, comics and internet articles. All reading has value even some of the most questionable material such has Mad (which I personally love for older middle schoolers) or superman comics. You want to child to read challenging material that will improve their vocabulary but reading mindless material is ok too. We all pick up People Magazine in the doctors office every so often, it’s a quick easy read.
6. Set a good example. Let your child see you reading.
7. Drag them to the library or bookstore several times over the summer. Encourage them to pick out something that they are interested in. At the very least, you are exposing them to a library/study/research atmosphere. Knowing how to behave in and use a library properly is a skill they will need for success in high school and college.
8. Have your child bring books with them so whenever there is down time they're able to read and get something productive done. Some suggestions are: car/plane/train rides, trips to the beach, while waiting to pick up your other children at activities, rainy days
9. Try to get through the assigned reading early in the summer so they have time to make some fun summer reading choices. This also alleviates stress at the end of August when the reading/projects are not complete.
10. Hit the used book stores, used book sales and even garage sales, looking for used books. Sometimes you can pick up a bag of books for a buck. Even if your child only looks at on book in the bag, you’ve gotten your money’s worth. It can actually be a lot of fun perusing old books. This also adds a nice variety to your library.
If you don’t think the books are appropriate for your child in terms of reading level or topic, speak up. Talk to the teachers about alternatives immediately. However, if teacher’s choices are just books that you or your child don’t like, do your best to help them get through the books (and follow up paper or project “aggggg” if there is one). Do not put down the teachers choices in front of your middle schooler (or even younger child). In high school and college they will have to read a lot of things that are not of interest but important. Reading challenging and varied material is how children continue to develop their adult vocabulary.
Summer reading should be enjoyable, relaxing and somewhat natural. Some kids will just not want to read. Try to find out why reading isn’t coming easy for them and see what you can do about it. However, make your expectations clear. Summer reading is important and it is their responsibility.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Thursday, June 25, 2009
The Essential 55
I’m always on the look out for common sense ideas that enhance more than just academics. In my field of Speech Language Pathology, pragmatic skill development is as important to us as receptive and expressive language development. Pragmatic skills are the social speech skills that help us become effective communicators, critical thinkers and problem solvers. People who are not strong students academically can do well in life if pragmatic skills are well developed and expectations are high.
I recently picked up the book The Essential 55, An Award-Winning Educator’s Rules for Discovering the Successful Student in Every Child, by Ron Clark winner of the 2001 Disney Teacher of the Year Award. The title caught my eye, I see so many kids that are bright but seem to be lacking the tools for success. In the Essential 55, Ron Clark gives his opinion on the 55 rules that can make every child successful as a student. His rules are not on the order of study more, read more or stay after school for help. Clark’s rules are rules for life. The focus of the rules is on enriching pragmatic awareness, improving pragmatic skills and expecting basic etiquette. Not to mention his rules make sense.
The Essential 55 also focuses on providing clear cut expectations for a child. If you read my blog, you know I am BIG on providing expectations for children. Six of The Essential 55 that I like best are:
#1 Responding to Adults
Mr. Clark suggests that you tell/expect children to say, “Yes sir” and “no ma’am. He says it set the tone for the kind of respect he expects from his students. For him a nod of a head or a “yeah” is not good enough. I sometimes feel the child/adult relationships, especially in schools, are too casual. This is great tool for kids to have, saying, “yes sir” and “no ma’am” usually makes a very good impression on others.
#2 Eye Contact
Eye contact is so important in communication. When you make eye contact, you are attending to and acknowledging the speaker. From my perspective, eye contact is also important because without eye contact you miss many of the non-verbal cues that clarify messages. Plus it’s polite. When a child’s disability effects their ability to make good eye contact, I spend a lot of time trying to get eye contact to the best level possible.
#6 If you are asked a question in conversation, ask a question in return
This is an excellent habit to get into. Again, it shows people you are listening and interested. This is a good foundation for developing good conversation skills.
#11 Surprise others by performing random acts of kindness
This is an excellent suggestion and should jut go without saying. However, we all need reminders to do this from time to time. How many times have you said to yourself “I should have helped……..”, when regretting that you did help someone out. This one goes in effect at my house today. We all seem to be lacking in that lately. Recently, one of my very disabled students in the middle of a tough moment said to me “Stop being nice to me!” When I responded with a smile “No, I can’t do that, I am just a nice person”, he was so taken back by my kind response he calmed down almost immediately. A little kindness actually made a tough situation easier and almost humorous for me.
#15 Do not ask for a reward
Mr. Clark rewards his student’s often but asking for a reward is out of the question. He feels students should strive to do their best all the time not just for a reward. He states that in the real world rewards are not always given for a job well done. He feels that that this rule helps kids appreciate their efforts over their rewards.
#48 If anyone is bullying you let me know
He wants the kids to feel safe in school and know that he will stand up for him. Kids should never have to put up with bullying in school (we would not expect or put up with bullying at work). A big step to preventing bulling is to empower children to report bullying incidents since most happen out of earshot or view of adults.
If you notice Ron Clark’s rules are not just school or student rules they are rules for life. It was hard to pick just 6 to highlight. I would like to tell you more of them but you will just have to pick up his book.
With the Essential 55, Ron Clark has developed a “hidden curriculum”. A “hidden curriculum” is defined as the rules we all know but are never taught. I could see his Essential 55 presented weekly or expanded and presented daily at announcements instead of (or in addition to) “word of the day”.
This is a good read for both teachers and parents. The reality is if you expect good things from kids and are willing to teach them, they usually deliver.
I recently picked up the book The Essential 55, An Award-Winning Educator’s Rules for Discovering the Successful Student in Every Child, by Ron Clark winner of the 2001 Disney Teacher of the Year Award. The title caught my eye, I see so many kids that are bright but seem to be lacking the tools for success. In the Essential 55, Ron Clark gives his opinion on the 55 rules that can make every child successful as a student. His rules are not on the order of study more, read more or stay after school for help. Clark’s rules are rules for life. The focus of the rules is on enriching pragmatic awareness, improving pragmatic skills and expecting basic etiquette. Not to mention his rules make sense.
The Essential 55 also focuses on providing clear cut expectations for a child. If you read my blog, you know I am BIG on providing expectations for children. Six of The Essential 55 that I like best are:
#1 Responding to Adults
Mr. Clark suggests that you tell/expect children to say, “Yes sir” and “no ma’am. He says it set the tone for the kind of respect he expects from his students. For him a nod of a head or a “yeah” is not good enough. I sometimes feel the child/adult relationships, especially in schools, are too casual. This is great tool for kids to have, saying, “yes sir” and “no ma’am” usually makes a very good impression on others.
#2 Eye Contact
Eye contact is so important in communication. When you make eye contact, you are attending to and acknowledging the speaker. From my perspective, eye contact is also important because without eye contact you miss many of the non-verbal cues that clarify messages. Plus it’s polite. When a child’s disability effects their ability to make good eye contact, I spend a lot of time trying to get eye contact to the best level possible.
#6 If you are asked a question in conversation, ask a question in return
This is an excellent habit to get into. Again, it shows people you are listening and interested. This is a good foundation for developing good conversation skills.
#11 Surprise others by performing random acts of kindness
This is an excellent suggestion and should jut go without saying. However, we all need reminders to do this from time to time. How many times have you said to yourself “I should have helped……..”, when regretting that you did help someone out. This one goes in effect at my house today. We all seem to be lacking in that lately. Recently, one of my very disabled students in the middle of a tough moment said to me “Stop being nice to me!” When I responded with a smile “No, I can’t do that, I am just a nice person”, he was so taken back by my kind response he calmed down almost immediately. A little kindness actually made a tough situation easier and almost humorous for me.
#15 Do not ask for a reward
Mr. Clark rewards his student’s often but asking for a reward is out of the question. He feels students should strive to do their best all the time not just for a reward. He states that in the real world rewards are not always given for a job well done. He feels that that this rule helps kids appreciate their efforts over their rewards.
#48 If anyone is bullying you let me know
He wants the kids to feel safe in school and know that he will stand up for him. Kids should never have to put up with bullying in school (we would not expect or put up with bullying at work). A big step to preventing bulling is to empower children to report bullying incidents since most happen out of earshot or view of adults.
If you notice Ron Clark’s rules are not just school or student rules they are rules for life. It was hard to pick just 6 to highlight. I would like to tell you more of them but you will just have to pick up his book.
With the Essential 55, Ron Clark has developed a “hidden curriculum”. A “hidden curriculum” is defined as the rules we all know but are never taught. I could see his Essential 55 presented weekly or expanded and presented daily at announcements instead of (or in addition to) “word of the day”.
This is a good read for both teachers and parents. The reality is if you expect good things from kids and are willing to teach them, they usually deliver.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Michael G. Thompson PhD Lecture
A few weeks ago I attended a lecture at my son’s high school by Dr. Michael Thompson, topic “The Pressured Child”. Dr. Thompson is the author of many books dealing with topics on raising boys, social lives of children/families and pressures children face at school at home and with peers. I’ve read a couple of his books own a few more of them and should read the rest. Some of the points Dr. Thompson makes in his books are very insightful and extremely helpful for both parents and those working with children. I would recommend these books to parents in a heartbeat. If I could also get the staff at my school and my administrators to read them, I think we would have a better understanding of children in general.
I found Dr. Thompson to be an engaging speaker and I wish I had taken more notes. Here are some key ideas that I felt were noteworthy.
School is a deeply flawed institution but it is the best we’ve tried. In school, things are thrown at the kids and by the time they master it, we take it away and give them something different to work on. Adults do not have that issue we get to take our time and master information/skills. He also pointed out that attending 6 hours a day to different subjects cannot be easy.
School is not a competition. Apparently, traits and abilities are fixed easily by 4th grade. I believe Dr. Thompson directed that statement to parents who believe their kids are in competition with other kids.
A lot of his lecture was directed at parents who’s expectations are too high and think their kids are better than everyone else. Pointing out that just because your child is in the top of his class does not assure their top college choice because every school in America has top kids. He also laughed a little at the parents who have their students tutored several nights a week to improve SAT scores or other skills. I was under the impression he spends a lot of time telling over the top parents to let up on their kids.
Towards the end of the lecture, he made the following statements that really made me think. I may not have gotten it down word for word
“Learning is an act of exposure.”
“Follow their journey” then he added something about staying about a quarter step off your child’s journey so it is their journey not yours.
“They are doing their best at any given moment.”
If you are interested in reading more about Dr. Thompson and his insights and advice, his web site is
http://www.michaelthompson-phd.com/
Friday, March 6, 2009
Speech Language Pathologists...I need your opinion.
Hello Speech Language Pathologists
I have three topics I would like you to sound off on..........
1. Does your school have formal entrance and exit criteria? If so what is it and do you use it? Several years ago I was under the impression that you could not use specific entrance and exit criteria but I guess that changed with the new changes in the laws.
2. Do you have a problem with teachers and administrators understanding your role? I believe that most still think all we do is articulation, which could not be further from the truth. I also think that they do not understand that these so called artic kids could be shooting up red flags for reading and discrimination disabilities.
3. What is your district doing about RTI/co-teaching/integrating therapy (whatever you want to call it....it seems to be interpreted differently by many) ? What is their model and how will it effect your job?
Contact me through comments on this site or at tsdesignsandmore@comcast.net
I have three topics I would like you to sound off on..........
1. Does your school have formal entrance and exit criteria? If so what is it and do you use it? Several years ago I was under the impression that you could not use specific entrance and exit criteria but I guess that changed with the new changes in the laws.
2. Do you have a problem with teachers and administrators understanding your role? I believe that most still think all we do is articulation, which could not be further from the truth. I also think that they do not understand that these so called artic kids could be shooting up red flags for reading and discrimination disabilities.
3. What is your district doing about RTI/co-teaching/integrating therapy (whatever you want to call it....it seems to be interpreted differently by many) ? What is their model and how will it effect your job?
Contact me through comments on this site or at tsdesignsandmore@comcast.net
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Here Come The High School Years
Even though we are still in the dead of winter most middle schools around the country have already began preparing their 8th grade students and their parents for High School. In my district, they have already hosted a parent information night and visited the High School. Next week our students take their placement test. Most private High School and alternative High School applications were due in December and students are anxiously waiting to see if they get in. Moving on to high school is a big deal for these kids and most are ready to move on. However, I guarantee that most kids are thinking about what their social status will be in High School, not “am I going to be able to do the work or will I be successful?”
Students will enter high schools at a variety of different academic and maturity levels. High School placement tests are fairly good at placing students in the proper academic level. Public Schools will usually offer 2-3 different academic levels for students to enter. Private Schools will often offer 4-5 different academic levels. Parents need to understand that just because their middle schooler was an honor roll or even high honor roll student that does not automatically mean that the student is placed in the highest academic level. “A” work in middle school is very different than “A” work in high school. So don’t be too concerned about your child’s initial placement but do keep an eye on your student’s progress. You and your child will realize quickly if the work is too easy or too difficult. At that point, your child can speak to their teacher or guidance counselor about moving levels. Always let your child try to work things out on their own before intervening, it is high school after all.
By the end of 8th grade, kids are starting to feel really grown up. Parents occasionally seem to think it is the right time to back off completely. Don’t think they don’t need you because they do. They still need guidance, support and supervision in High School. What they don’t need is hovering. It is a fine line but you still need to know what your child is doing in school and how they are doing in school. Supervision after hours is just as important. They are experimenting with new friendships. Keep tabs on who their new friends are and don’t assume every parent has the same rules and values you do.
Homework becomes more important in high school. Usually a good percentage of a student’s grade is based on homework completion. If your school keeps grades on line, continue to check assignment completion, often. Your child should be doing some homework at home if they are not I would check in with teachers or review teacher expectations (usually provided as an outline). Some district might even have a homework policy. There is some controversy among teachers and administrators around homework. Let’s face it not all parents can do calculus or even algebra for that matter. We are probably all a little rusty on our French or Spanish. The controversy is that students do not go home on an even playing field where homework is concerned. However, by High School shouldn’t expectations be raised and shouldn’t students be more independent around homework? If your child is having difficulty academically in high school, encourage them to get help from their teachers before you step in. At the same time make sure they are doing the work.
I think it is important for all parents to have a basic idea of the school curriculum. You need to make sure of what they are taking and when they are taking it. If you have a child who receives special needs services it is a lot more important for you to be involved. You need to know exactly what your child is suppose to get, when the services take place, who will be providing the services and a direct contact person for any special needs concerns. Most schools will go out of their way to review programs and educational plans with parents of special needs students. If your child’s high school balks at this, pay even closer attention to their services. Any school I have ever been involved with as a Speech Language Therapist or as a parent has tried their best to design appropriate service plans, listen to students and parents and respond appropriately. Schools are not always perfect but remember you also have to work at developing a good working relationship with them. Education plans should be ammended or updated to dovetail with the high school schedule.
Don’t be too worried about your baby going off to high school. They will probably be ok. It’s scary for us parents and I know I’ve been on pins and needles those first few days of high school…..just worrying and wondering if everything is ok. Rather glad I don’t have to go through that again. Try to know what is going on with your child. Keep talking to your high schooler even if they don’t want to. Find something you can both feel comfortable talking about or do together, and then sneak some serious discussions when you can. Let your child know your expectations for their academic performance and behavior in general. You don’t have to set expectations at an impossible or stress inducing level but set some expectations. I’ve seen one child through high school and off to college and enjoyed almost every minute of it.
Students will enter high schools at a variety of different academic and maturity levels. High School placement tests are fairly good at placing students in the proper academic level. Public Schools will usually offer 2-3 different academic levels for students to enter. Private Schools will often offer 4-5 different academic levels. Parents need to understand that just because their middle schooler was an honor roll or even high honor roll student that does not automatically mean that the student is placed in the highest academic level. “A” work in middle school is very different than “A” work in high school. So don’t be too concerned about your child’s initial placement but do keep an eye on your student’s progress. You and your child will realize quickly if the work is too easy or too difficult. At that point, your child can speak to their teacher or guidance counselor about moving levels. Always let your child try to work things out on their own before intervening, it is high school after all.
By the end of 8th grade, kids are starting to feel really grown up. Parents occasionally seem to think it is the right time to back off completely. Don’t think they don’t need you because they do. They still need guidance, support and supervision in High School. What they don’t need is hovering. It is a fine line but you still need to know what your child is doing in school and how they are doing in school. Supervision after hours is just as important. They are experimenting with new friendships. Keep tabs on who their new friends are and don’t assume every parent has the same rules and values you do.
Homework becomes more important in high school. Usually a good percentage of a student’s grade is based on homework completion. If your school keeps grades on line, continue to check assignment completion, often. Your child should be doing some homework at home if they are not I would check in with teachers or review teacher expectations (usually provided as an outline). Some district might even have a homework policy. There is some controversy among teachers and administrators around homework. Let’s face it not all parents can do calculus or even algebra for that matter. We are probably all a little rusty on our French or Spanish. The controversy is that students do not go home on an even playing field where homework is concerned. However, by High School shouldn’t expectations be raised and shouldn’t students be more independent around homework? If your child is having difficulty academically in high school, encourage them to get help from their teachers before you step in. At the same time make sure they are doing the work.
I think it is important for all parents to have a basic idea of the school curriculum. You need to make sure of what they are taking and when they are taking it. If you have a child who receives special needs services it is a lot more important for you to be involved. You need to know exactly what your child is suppose to get, when the services take place, who will be providing the services and a direct contact person for any special needs concerns. Most schools will go out of their way to review programs and educational plans with parents of special needs students. If your child’s high school balks at this, pay even closer attention to their services. Any school I have ever been involved with as a Speech Language Therapist or as a parent has tried their best to design appropriate service plans, listen to students and parents and respond appropriately. Schools are not always perfect but remember you also have to work at developing a good working relationship with them. Education plans should be ammended or updated to dovetail with the high school schedule.
Don’t be too worried about your baby going off to high school. They will probably be ok. It’s scary for us parents and I know I’ve been on pins and needles those first few days of high school…..just worrying and wondering if everything is ok. Rather glad I don’t have to go through that again. Try to know what is going on with your child. Keep talking to your high schooler even if they don’t want to. Find something you can both feel comfortable talking about or do together, and then sneak some serious discussions when you can. Let your child know your expectations for their academic performance and behavior in general. You don’t have to set expectations at an impossible or stress inducing level but set some expectations. I’ve seen one child through high school and off to college and enjoyed almost every minute of it.
The picture above is of my son's 8th grade graduation last June. I no longer have a middle school student. A little sad I have to admit.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Learning Middle School Vocabulary In A Different Way
A few weeks ago I searched for some more vocabulary development ideas. I looked for an established program that best fit my therapy style and could be easily translated into the classroom. I found this program developed by Dr. Edwin S. Ellis called the Clarifying Routine. The program emphasizes elaboration of vocabulary while teaching it and promotes adding a "knowledge connection". The "knowledge connection" is to help the children keep the word in their memory bank.
Here is the link to Dr. Ellis's ideas http://www.ldonline.org/article/5759
I have tried to contact Dr. Ellis and other agencys to get more information/instruction on his program but have not been successful.
Most middle school parents and teachers have seen children learn new vocabulary then immediately forget it once the test is over. They usually study for test vocabulary by creating vocabulary cards with a word on one side and a definition on the other. In his article Dr. Ellis shows a vocabulary template requiring a little more information, referred to as The Clarifying Table to replace the basic vocabulary card. This is the link to a sample Clarifying Table http://www.ldonline.org/images/articles/article5759clarifyingtable.gif
You will immediately see how this table would be a better tool to use when learning/studying vocabulary. The student may not use this elaborate table for every vocabulary word, maybe just a couple. What the table is really suppose to do is to teach the child how to make a knowledge connection with words to aid retention and vocabulary development in general.
I presented the Clarifying Table to some of our 7th grade teachers and they loved the idea. A couple were using a template referred to as a "vocabulary map" which was very similar.
Teachers and therapists, I believe you will find The Clarifying Routine and template simple, fun and beneficial. Parents I think you will find the concept interesting and helpful, especially if you have a student who struggles with vocabulary. I believe that learning the concept of attaching knowledge rather than memorizing a definition would be extremely helpful for all children but especially those who may be struggling with reading or who have struggled with reading in the past. These are the kids who tend to demonstrate a decreased vocabulary.
Since I was not able to get in touch with Dr. Ellis or find a way to obtain his materials/training we put together a template that was similar to the clarifying table but fit our needs.
(Can't seem to transfer it from excel or word. Let me work on it. You will obviously get the idea from Dr. Ellis's example)
Take a peek it is worth it
Teresa
Here is the link to Dr. Ellis's ideas http://www.ldonline.org/article/5759
I have tried to contact Dr. Ellis and other agencys to get more information/instruction on his program but have not been successful.
Most middle school parents and teachers have seen children learn new vocabulary then immediately forget it once the test is over. They usually study for test vocabulary by creating vocabulary cards with a word on one side and a definition on the other. In his article Dr. Ellis shows a vocabulary template requiring a little more information, referred to as The Clarifying Table to replace the basic vocabulary card. This is the link to a sample Clarifying Table http://www.ldonline.org/images/articles/article5759clarifyingtable.gif
You will immediately see how this table would be a better tool to use when learning/studying vocabulary. The student may not use this elaborate table for every vocabulary word, maybe just a couple. What the table is really suppose to do is to teach the child how to make a knowledge connection with words to aid retention and vocabulary development in general.
I presented the Clarifying Table to some of our 7th grade teachers and they loved the idea. A couple were using a template referred to as a "vocabulary map" which was very similar.
Teachers and therapists, I believe you will find The Clarifying Routine and template simple, fun and beneficial. Parents I think you will find the concept interesting and helpful, especially if you have a student who struggles with vocabulary. I believe that learning the concept of attaching knowledge rather than memorizing a definition would be extremely helpful for all children but especially those who may be struggling with reading or who have struggled with reading in the past. These are the kids who tend to demonstrate a decreased vocabulary.
Since I was not able to get in touch with Dr. Ellis or find a way to obtain his materials/training we put together a template that was similar to the clarifying table but fit our needs.
(Can't seem to transfer it from excel or word. Let me work on it. You will obviously get the idea from Dr. Ellis's example)
Take a peek it is worth it
Teresa
Monday, October 13, 2008
Pressure vs. Expectations
Over the past several years, many books have been written about how we as parents and we as a society put too much pressure on kids. I’ve purchased several, read a couple and scanned a few. The world is different these days and kids are under a lot more pressure to perform earlier than we ever were. Pressure to perform at school, on the athletic field and with peers have lead to anxiety, acting out and even suicide. Obviously, too much continuous pressure is not a good thing for anyone.
These days children grow up quicker, they are left alone more often and participate in organized activities sooner. So many kids are in divorce situations, splitting time between two busy and sometimes angry parents. If you think that does not cause pressure think again. My own theory is we expose kids to a lot of different experiences earlier than we ever were. Many of these experiences they are not ready for from a developmental standpoint. In these experiences, I include academics, family problems, dance, music, athletics, competitions, daycare till 5 or 6, organized everything. ( I posted earlier a lot of free play is missing). So typical little Billy, who is having trouble with in full day academic kindergarten (which I strongly oppose as a standard for all), may not be developmentally ready for a full day or even some academics in kindergarten, is now sent for special education testing when probably half the class is not developmentally ready to take on the academic challenges or the stress of a full day away from home.
I am saying earlier experiences have changed but child development has not evolved any differently. So right from the start we put too much pressure on them. I am not convinced that full day kindergarten makes your kid smarter or helps them to read that much earlier. By the way, most kid’s skills tend to catch up with each other by about 4th grade. So even if little Sally’s parents bragged about her reading at 4 she will probably turn out to be just an average student. Her experiences were different, exposed to pre-reading skills earlier and it worked for her. Perhaps, she was even pressured into reading so her parents could brag. I believe a lot of the pressure (but not all) emerges when children are expected to do things they are not developmentally ready to do.
So with pressure to succeed and to fit in especially at the middle school and high school level identified as a problem, the trend has been to decrease the pressure and to get help for kids if needed. Most parents have become aware of creating too much pressure and I think have backed off. However, in the quest to decrease the pressure many parents and teachers have also decreased or eliminated common sense expectations.
So what is the difference between putting on too much pressure on a child and having expectations especially high ones. Pressure, I feel, is pointing your child toward an almost impossible goal. Talking about that goal 27/7 and having their life revolve around that goal. The goal becomes so much of a focus that the kid ends up hating the goal and only does it to please their parents. Kids will also self induce pressure so a parent must keep a close watch on high achievers and intervene when the pressure looks like it’s too much.
Expectations are the day to day rules and the life goals kids are suppose to follow whether a parent or teacher is reminding them or not. At home some expectations might be certain chores, doing homework without being told, going to bed at the proper time, preparing your self for school or other activities, doing your best at school, being kind to others, not bullying, speaking politely to adults, following the rules at school and other activities, telling parents important information, behaving yourself in public especially when unsupervised……the list of common sense expectations go on an on. Some of the expectations at school include being respectful to others, listening to adults, coming prepared to class, not throwing trash on the floor, following school routines without always having to be told to get moving, doing your work, working cooperatively, controlling anger, no bullying…..again the list is endless.
As my own children have gotten older, our expectations have changed and increased. We expect them to perform to the best of their ability at school. We expect them to put effort into extracurricular activities, volunteer activities and work. Our biggest expectation is that they will not drink especially if they are driving our car. Does that assure me they won’t? Of course not. But, they also know we do everything in our power to make sure that does not happen. They know we call parents to see if anyone is going to be home and we check their breath when they come in. They know there will be consequences at home for inappropriate behavior. They’ve missed a lot of parties because of our actions and I might add missed the near-death experience of a friend from too much alcohol.
I worked with a middle school teacher once, Mary we’ll call her. Mary called me naive to think my own middle school kids were not exposed to sex, drugs and alcohol. Mary implied that my kids probably were experimenting with all three. It is not that I don’t know those thing are out there but my expectations to my own children is that we do not want you around that kind of stuff or indulging in it. Needless to say, while Mary was spouting this to me, I knew that she had a couple of very wild teenage daughters at home. I assume she thought that because her girls indulged that that had to be the norm. See she was willing to accept their behavior as normal teenage behavior rather than tell them her expectations for behavior.
Kids with no expectations flounder, both at school and in their social lives. They tend to also grow up with an inappropriate sense of entitlement…. The ”I don’t have to do that” attitude. They goof around in school and disrupt things for others. Most of them know that their parents will not do anything if the teacher calls home. Parents seem to be too busy sticking up for their child’s bad behavior rather than giving them clear expectations for conduct. Some parents clearly do not care and I have to wonder about that. I see so many kids without clear life expectations and wonder what they will be doing in 10 years.
Teachers can provide clear expectations at school. However, if the parental expectations and follow up is not there it is almost impossible for the child to succeed to their potential. It is the rare student that can see school as their ticket to success and that can generate self expectations.
So parents, talk to your child. Let them know your expectations for them at home, at school and out in public . Be the parent you need to be and don’t let them run the house or make up the rules. Point out inappropriate behavior even if it is just little etiquette things. If there is a problem don’t make excuses for them, follow up with appropriate consequences. Basic expectations are life long lessons that will serve them well long after they leave the classroom.
These days children grow up quicker, they are left alone more often and participate in organized activities sooner. So many kids are in divorce situations, splitting time between two busy and sometimes angry parents. If you think that does not cause pressure think again. My own theory is we expose kids to a lot of different experiences earlier than we ever were. Many of these experiences they are not ready for from a developmental standpoint. In these experiences, I include academics, family problems, dance, music, athletics, competitions, daycare till 5 or 6, organized everything. ( I posted earlier a lot of free play is missing). So typical little Billy, who is having trouble with in full day academic kindergarten (which I strongly oppose as a standard for all), may not be developmentally ready for a full day or even some academics in kindergarten, is now sent for special education testing when probably half the class is not developmentally ready to take on the academic challenges or the stress of a full day away from home.
I am saying earlier experiences have changed but child development has not evolved any differently. So right from the start we put too much pressure on them. I am not convinced that full day kindergarten makes your kid smarter or helps them to read that much earlier. By the way, most kid’s skills tend to catch up with each other by about 4th grade. So even if little Sally’s parents bragged about her reading at 4 she will probably turn out to be just an average student. Her experiences were different, exposed to pre-reading skills earlier and it worked for her. Perhaps, she was even pressured into reading so her parents could brag. I believe a lot of the pressure (but not all) emerges when children are expected to do things they are not developmentally ready to do.
So with pressure to succeed and to fit in especially at the middle school and high school level identified as a problem, the trend has been to decrease the pressure and to get help for kids if needed. Most parents have become aware of creating too much pressure and I think have backed off. However, in the quest to decrease the pressure many parents and teachers have also decreased or eliminated common sense expectations.
So what is the difference between putting on too much pressure on a child and having expectations especially high ones. Pressure, I feel, is pointing your child toward an almost impossible goal. Talking about that goal 27/7 and having their life revolve around that goal. The goal becomes so much of a focus that the kid ends up hating the goal and only does it to please their parents. Kids will also self induce pressure so a parent must keep a close watch on high achievers and intervene when the pressure looks like it’s too much.
Expectations are the day to day rules and the life goals kids are suppose to follow whether a parent or teacher is reminding them or not. At home some expectations might be certain chores, doing homework without being told, going to bed at the proper time, preparing your self for school or other activities, doing your best at school, being kind to others, not bullying, speaking politely to adults, following the rules at school and other activities, telling parents important information, behaving yourself in public especially when unsupervised……the list of common sense expectations go on an on. Some of the expectations at school include being respectful to others, listening to adults, coming prepared to class, not throwing trash on the floor, following school routines without always having to be told to get moving, doing your work, working cooperatively, controlling anger, no bullying…..again the list is endless.
As my own children have gotten older, our expectations have changed and increased. We expect them to perform to the best of their ability at school. We expect them to put effort into extracurricular activities, volunteer activities and work. Our biggest expectation is that they will not drink especially if they are driving our car. Does that assure me they won’t? Of course not. But, they also know we do everything in our power to make sure that does not happen. They know we call parents to see if anyone is going to be home and we check their breath when they come in. They know there will be consequences at home for inappropriate behavior. They’ve missed a lot of parties because of our actions and I might add missed the near-death experience of a friend from too much alcohol.
I worked with a middle school teacher once, Mary we’ll call her. Mary called me naive to think my own middle school kids were not exposed to sex, drugs and alcohol. Mary implied that my kids probably were experimenting with all three. It is not that I don’t know those thing are out there but my expectations to my own children is that we do not want you around that kind of stuff or indulging in it. Needless to say, while Mary was spouting this to me, I knew that she had a couple of very wild teenage daughters at home. I assume she thought that because her girls indulged that that had to be the norm. See she was willing to accept their behavior as normal teenage behavior rather than tell them her expectations for behavior.
Kids with no expectations flounder, both at school and in their social lives. They tend to also grow up with an inappropriate sense of entitlement…. The ”I don’t have to do that” attitude. They goof around in school and disrupt things for others. Most of them know that their parents will not do anything if the teacher calls home. Parents seem to be too busy sticking up for their child’s bad behavior rather than giving them clear expectations for conduct. Some parents clearly do not care and I have to wonder about that. I see so many kids without clear life expectations and wonder what they will be doing in 10 years.
Teachers can provide clear expectations at school. However, if the parental expectations and follow up is not there it is almost impossible for the child to succeed to their potential. It is the rare student that can see school as their ticket to success and that can generate self expectations.
So parents, talk to your child. Let them know your expectations for them at home, at school and out in public . Be the parent you need to be and don’t let them run the house or make up the rules. Point out inappropriate behavior even if it is just little etiquette things. If there is a problem don’t make excuses for them, follow up with appropriate consequences. Basic expectations are life long lessons that will serve them well long after they leave the classroom.
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